Zen after a vacation

So that was a sobering experience. Sort of a wake up call.
I enjoyed 3 weeks of vacation [2 if you don’t count being ill for a week].
In those 3 weeks I started meditating each evening. I also started reading up on Buddhism.
Living in my own pace, in a harmony disturbed by .. well, very little.
It’s kind of easy to do zen that way. That is, there are almost no distractions, and the ones that are there are very familiar.
Then, after the vacation is over, I went back to work.
What I didn’t anticipate is that I got confronted with all those extra stimuli, so to speak.
I am there to work, which means, in my mind, to become more proactive than I was during my vacation.
There is a lot that needs to be done, but it also requires a lot of thought and talk.
So I thought, and I talked, and thought some more…

Somehow I felt…less in the zone, if that makes any sense to you.
I talked about it with a colleague of mine with whom I feel I can share a lot.
She put her finger on the sore spot almost instantaneously. And thank you for that.
I could withdraw from the world and meditate or be a part of this world and meditate.
I read somewhere that a zen master suggested doing zazen in a very crowded, noisy place.
And why not? What good is it when it cannot stand the everyday life?
So, it is an opportunity to learn, is what I got out of it.
Many, many, many, many, many opportunities actually 🙂

Well, to be honest, it scares the bejezus out of me [pardon my french].
I feel like I’m blind…stumbling…not sure of myself at all!
The only thing I can do is keep breathing, just be there, even though it feels like I am pretending it….
Right now it is all I have.